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Helen - a sister's view
I was driving over to visit our aunt when Jan called me with the news. When she said those words: "It's cancer," the world stopped. I could hear the shock and hysteria in her voice and I wanted so much to calm and reassure her. But I was numb, icy cold with fear. My kid sister? I pulled the car over and just sat there, idiotically, with the phone in my hand. I probably said some inane rubbish like you'll be fine, we'll do this together etc etc, but my heart was breaking and my mind switched off like a light. She didn't want anyone to know yet, so I took our aunt out to lunch without breathing a word when actually what I wanted to do was scream about the injustice of it all.Because of her pre-arranged holiday, Jan almost immediately went away for a week. I had some time to get myself together, to woo my brain back and gather lots of information that I hoped would help her. Actually I just cried a lot and was glad she wasn't there to see it. I knew I had to be strong and calm for her, but I felt more like falling apart. I couldn't understand why my brain didn't remember any of the things I normally suggested to clients and friends in this position. A colleague at the clinic had recently been through a similar experience with her twin sister who was being treated for breast cancer. We talked a lot and I began to realise how different these things are when they happen to someone you really love. And it's a real dilemma – you want to be strong and positive to support your loved one, but you also have to deal with the pain you feel inside. I put together a folder of information and contacts for Jan, which probably helped me more than it helped her. Because I was a therapist working with people who were facing problems like cancer, I felt I ought to be able to make things easier for her. But a friend said to me, "Be her sister not her therapist. That's what she needs from you." And I did. And Jan was brilliant. The jelly in my head turned back into a half-working brain and I helped her in every way I could. She was brilliant. I am so proud of her. She has taught us all so much. My kid sister. My hero.
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